Life Is Like A Dream

With three lively children I never thought I’d find myself in a position to be lonely. But yesterday I was very lonely. I stayed busy, but it was quiet in my world…too quiet for comfort, really. I’m not complaining; it’s nice to have some alone time, but if I knew that it wouldn’t happen on a regular basis it might be easier to handle. Although knowing that it will also gives me an opportunity to find things to do that I normally wouldn’t be able to with three kids around. I’m knitting a scarf, reading more, and getting lots of sleep.

This week my husband and daughters are on a pilgrimage to the Baha’i temples and holy places in Haifa and Akka, Israel. My son is staying with my mother-in-law a state away until Friday. I went to the supermarket on Sunday for my usual weekly shopping, realizing I need not buy things for kids who won’t be here for another week, filling my cart instead with a few fresh fruits and several frozen dinners. What the heck—I also needed a new pair of sweat pants so I bought those, too. It was weird filling up the cart for myself and no one else. It was lonely, too.

Yesterday was Sunday. After my son was picked up for his week-long trip I took a nap. Then I went to Walmart and came back home to unload. It was only 3:00 and I had all my weekend duties finished (shopping, cleaning, laundry, the usual stuff), so I called my sister and we decided to go swimming together. That was fun but lasted only about 45 minutes and I was back home by 4:30. I did a few crosswords (I can only do the easy ones) and tried to nap again to no avail. I changed a light bulb in the kitchen and decided to move the small TV and stand to the front living room, where I’d noticed cable outlets behind the couch. They must be data outlets because the TV didn’t work there. I ate my frozen dinner and talked to my cat, who decided to go outside to spend the whole night. I did some more crosswords, paid some bills online and checked my email and facebook. I walked a mile. Then I decided to pick out my clothes for work since I’ll be going in everyday now instead of working from home three days a week. I ended up ironing about five blouses so I’ll be set for the whole week. These are the ways I banish loneliness when I have no other choice.

The doctor said that I seemed far away. I told her that I feel like I’m in this body, walking around, going here to get this or that, coming home, but not really feeling like I’m present. It’s that fogginess thing people with Fibromyalgia can relate to well. She said she felt like I needed a jolt of electricity, but she wasn’t prescribing that…thank goodness! Anyway, I won’t be lonely too much longer. The kids come home on Friday and I’ll have them for a week before my husband has them again for his week. Loneliness will be banished then.