A Little Loneliness

2010
07.14

With three lively children I never thought I’d find myself in a position to be lonely. But yesterday I was very lonely. I stayed busy, but it was quiet in my world…too quiet for comfort, really. I’m not complaining; it’s nice to have some alone time, but if I knew that it wouldn’t happen on a regular basis it might be easier to handle. Although knowing that it will also gives me an opportunity to find things to do that I normally wouldn’t be able to with three kids around. I’m knitting a scarf, reading more, and getting lots of sleep.

This week my husband and daughters are on a pilgrimage to the Baha’i temples and holy places in Haifa and Akka, Israel. My son is staying with my mother-in-law a state away until Friday. I went to the supermarket on Sunday for my usual weekly shopping, realizing I need not buy things for kids who won’t be here for another week, filling my cart instead with a few fresh fruits and several frozen dinners. What the heck—I also needed a new pair of sweat pants so I bought those, too. It was weird filling up the cart for myself and no one else. It was lonely, too.

Yesterday was Sunday. After my son was picked up for his week-long trip I took a nap. Then I went to Walmart and came back home to unload. It was only 3:00 and I had all my weekend duties finished (shopping, cleaning, laundry, the usual stuff), so I called my sister and we decided to go swimming together. That was fun but lasted only about 45 minutes and I was back home by 4:30. I did a few crosswords (I can only do the easy ones) and tried to nap again to no avail. I changed a light bulb in the kitchen and decided to move the small TV and stand to the front living room, where I’d noticed cable outlets behind the couch. They must be data outlets because the TV didn’t work there. I ate my frozen dinner and talked to my cat, who decided to go outside to spend the whole night. I did some more crosswords, paid some bills online and checked my email and facebook. I walked a mile. Then I decided to pick out my clothes for work since I’ll be going in everyday now instead of working from home three days a week. I ended up ironing about five blouses so I’ll be set for the whole week. These are the ways I banish loneliness when I have no other choice.

The doctor said that I seemed far away. I told her that I feel like I’m in this body, walking around, going here to get this or that, coming home, but not really feeling like I’m present. It’s that fogginess thing people with Fibromyalgia can relate to well. She said she felt like I needed a jolt of electricity, but she wasn’t prescribing that…thank goodness! Anyway, I won’t be lonely too much longer. The kids come home on Friday and I’ll have them for a week before my husband has them again for his week. Loneliness will be banished then.

My Little Pirate

2010
05.13

Thomas had to dress up like a pirate for school today.  Here’s the outfit my parents put together for him!

MyPirate

Stitches and Time

2010
04.19

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Each stitch, ever so carefully sewn, placed just so on the beautiful tapestry of life, adding color and charm and delight.

One thousand stitches complete the flowers representing each of three lovely children.

One million stitches make the garden that houses them all, standing for marriage and a fortress for well-being.

Stitches for the sky, the sun, more flowers…too many to count.

Glass ornaments, butterflies, birds, trellises and feeders, all representing the fragility of life.

One stitch comes loose.

Then another.

In no time at all the entire tapestry is frayed, falling apart at the seams.

What went wrong?  At which stitch do I pick up and begin anew?  Will it ever appear as lovely again?

And what of the rain that now streams from my eyes…will it fade the colors, or mute them into another beautiful hue…

Only time will tell, and it is time to move forward, pick up the needle and begin to mend the tapestry.

Down on the Farm

2010
04.17

Our neighbors and friends the next street over just purchased a farm in Lincoln county last November.  They have five horses and two miniatures that we got to lead around today.  The kids had a great time.  They have baby chicks in their house (for now) that will be moving to the farm when they get a little bit bigger, and the kids each want to have a chicken they can call their own.  We’ll be able to go visit them whenever we want to!  We had fun visiting the Tractor Supply store and feeding the horses apples. 

Foreign Service Officer Oral Assessment

2010
04.12

My husband left this morning for Washington, DC.  Tomorrow he is attending the final task in becoming chosen as a Foreign Service Officer: the oral assessment.  It begins at 7:00 a.m. and ends at 5:00 p.m.  He will know tomorrow whether or not he is chosen to go on with a career in the Foreign Service.  A lot of things have happened since my initial post on this blog, where I was apprehensive about the possibility of moving overseas.  My belief now is that this opportunity could make a big difference in the quality of life for my family, especially my children.  It will offer them excellent education and they will learn so much just by living in a foreign land.  As for me, I would no longer have to worry about working and could focus my attention entirely on the well-being of my kids and the family.

So tonight I pray for God’s will, and that Woody will be able to give it his best shot even though I know he’s stressed out and nervous as heck about it!  He has been studying for months and I think he’s well prepared.  I think he also has a lot of characteristics of the type of person they are looking for, so that will be to his advantage.  I’ll let you know the outcome tomorrow.

Chuck E. Cheese Adventure

2010
03.27

Thomas has a friend at his preschool that just turned 5 and celebrated his birthday at Chuck E. Cheese’s.  I’d never been there before.  I never want to go back.  It is full of screaming kids, although they are having a good time.  I guess it could be worse.  If only I’d taken my friend’s advice and worn some ear plugs it might have been bearable.  I didn’t eat any food because I knew that we had pizza at home and there would be plenty left for me, but it looked pretty good and Thomas stuffed it down quickly so he could get on to the cake and then to what he loved the most…playing in the hamster-looking tubes.  He did ride the carousel a few times, drove a car with Stuart Little, and sat on a Clifford car, but he was enjoying the sweaty stuff much more (hamster tubes and curly slide).

He didn’t want to leave and was already asking when we could go back before we even got to the car.  I wanted to tell him never, but I didn’t have the heart.  Next time one of his friends invites him to Chuck E. Cheese’s for a birthday party, Woody can take him!

ChuckECheese

How to Make Paint

2010
03.10

Tomskateboarding On the way to school this morning, Thomas was telling me how to make paint.  He said, “First you add a little salt.  Then you put in some sour lemon.  The very best ingredient comes next, and it is so yummy and healthy—you are going to love it.  It’s a scoop of ice cream!”

Not sure if you could paint with that, but I thought it was cute.

Fasting

2010
03.05

As a member of the Baha’i Faith, every year from March 2-20 we fast from sunrise to sunset.  This means no food or drink during daylight hours, which isn’t really as difficult as it seems.

We are told that

Fasting is a symbol. Fasting signifies abstinence from lust. Physical fasting is a symbol of that abstinence, & is a reminder; that is, just as a person abstains from physical appetites, he is to abstain from self-appetites & self-desires. But mere abstention from food has no effect on the spirit. It is only a symbol, … a reminder. Otherwise it is of no importance.

and ‘Abdu’l-Baha tells us this:

… For this material fast is an outer token of the spiritual fast; it is a symbol of self-restraint, the withholding of oneself from all appetites of the self, taking on the characteristics of the spirit, being carried away by the breathings of heaven and catching fire from the love of God.

Woody and I get up each morning and eat breakfast together.  Deanna has been sick so she doesn’t have to fast until she gets better.  This year would be her first time to fast, since the age of maturity for Baha’is is 15.  She is a little bummed about it because I think she was looking forward to seeing what it was like, but hopefully she’ll get over her coughing and sneezing and ear infection and can join us!

I have been reflecting more on the life of my spirit while fasting.  I’m thinking about how no food and drink affects my mental capacities and my energy levels in the late afternoon, and wondering how my soul suffers when I don’t feed it the spiritual food it needs to flourish.  This has been a good fast for me so far.  I’m not working yet (still on disability a little while longer), so I have a lot of time to let the meaning of the fast sink in.

Picnics and Naps

2010
02.21

After several weeks of either snow or rain, this weekend we were blessed with days in the lower 60’s!  My husband suggested a picnic at the park with Thomas, since the girls were out with their cousin having lunch before guitar lessons.  We packed turkey and cheese sandwiches on hoagies, fresh pineapple, carrots, peppers, chips, and Girl Scout cookies, then set off.  Just about every other house on the way to the park had people outside either weeding or washing their cars.  Sure, I’ve seen the loyal few who are out for a run or walk even in 30 degree temperatures, for for the most part I feel like everyone has been staying inside until the weather got nice enough to spend some time outdoors.

Thomas enjoyed the picnic and played on the slides and swings until three older boys showed up.  They had some kind of toy guns and were spying on each other in the trees and bushes surrounding the park.  Thomas wanted to join in so badly, he went to help the poor boy who’d been left to fend for himself against the other two, bigger, boys.  He was telling him quite loudly where the other two were hiding!  It was really funny, but soon after that we were ready to head home—Woody and I on foot, Thomas on his bike with training wheels.  We had a diet ice-tea with a lid that he put in his little bag on the front of his bike, and every block or so he’d stop and get off his bike to take a drink.

Back at home the adults settled in for nice naps, while Thomas watched his favorite cartoon channel on TV.  Now Woody is off to study at the library for his Foreign Service oral assessment and Thomas is across the street playing with Breahna and her two little sisters.  The girls are still with their cousin so this gives me the perfect excuse and time to write some blog posts!

Am I A Paranoid Parent?

2010
02.20
My girls

Birkdale Village is a trendy little shopping district in Huntersville, near to the town where we live.  There’s a movie theater there and lots of stores like Barnes and Noble, the Gap, Victoria’s Secret, Bath and Body Works, etc.  There are also many restaurants and coffee shops, and apartments above all the shops.  When it was first built a few years ago, my kids were still pretty young.  I remember thinking that when my children became teenagers I would not allow them to roam around Birkdale on a weekend evening…it has become the thing for young teens to do, to the angst of many policemen and parents.

So where are my children tonight, you ask?  Hmmm, interesting question.  We dropped them off to see a movie at 7:00 and they are saying to come pick them up at 10:00.  I’m thinking that will give them some roaming time, and I’m not liking that.  I’ve witnessed the policemen who patrol the area, asking kids where their parents are, and I just don’t want my kids causing problems for anyone.

So does that make me paranoid?  My girls are super good at manipulating situations and getting their way regardless of my stand.  They make me feel like a paranoid parent.  What do you think?

Dance Essentials

2010
02.08

I was teaching at a dance school that was located in a former church, and I also made little stuffed teddy bears with tutus and earrings that I sold for $10.  I guess the selling bug got to me, and over the summer I had the idea to use a room in the basement of the dance school to set up a trade of shoes.  Many kids outgrow their tap and ballet shoes before they are really worn out, so we painted the words Dance Exchange on a long board and attached it to the railing behind the building where steps led down to the basement.  We were blown away by how many people came from other dance schools, and how many people wanted to get brand new items from us.

So, being the enterprising people that we are, my husband and I found a few companies that would sell to us at wholesale prices!  All we really needed was a phone number, and we already had an address to use for shipments.  The studio owner said it would be okay, so we set up a real shop.  One day we were in downtown Lexington, KY where we passed this small space for rent right beside a guy who sold stained glass.  We started getting excited and called to learn more.  It was 600 square feet and we could have it for $350 a month!  This was in 1993 right before Christmas.  My mother-in-law and her sister came to help us set up, and we found an old (but nice looking) case to use for our cash register and several rounders and other types of things to hold our clothing on and attach to the walls to store our tights and some shoes.  There wasn’t a back room, so we had to have all our shoes and stock right out in the store, stacked clear to the ceiling.  My parents decided to invest some money into the store, so we were able to begin carrying brands like Capezio, Bloch, Danskin, etc.  For credibility, we asked all the professional dancers who shopped at our store to give us an 8X10 picture of themselves that they would sign.  We framed each one and hung them near the mirror at the shoe trying on area.

Shortly after starting our store, I became pregnant with our first child.  We moved into an apartment right next door to the store, which came in handy because we only had one car and Arthur was still in college.  The following year, after Deanna was born, my parents decided to move from Indiana to Kentucky to help us out with the store and the baby.  My father retired from teaching high school English, drama, and speech, and I was so grateful to have them nearby.  In addition to the store, I was teaching at two or three private ballet schools.  Our store took off!  The other store in town wasn’t very accommodating to the needs of dancers, and we had a professional company in town, as well as many schools of dance.  We got in canvas ballet slippers, pointe shoes from Freed, Grishko, Repetto, Sansha, Gaynor Minden (to name a few…we carried over 20 brands of pointe shoes!).  I got more classical leotards than the other store carried (they catered more to aerobics and cheerleader-types).

In 1996, we decided to move our store to a better location with parking and more space inside.  We also moved to an apartment close to that store.  It had a storage room for shoes (yay!) and for a desk to do our behind the scenes work.  We got more equipment from the outlet store in Mt. Sterling so we could display even more clothing and shoes and tights.  We gained quite a few more customers and it was going great guns.  My second child, Deborah, was born in 1997 and my mom and I worked at the store with her in her little carrier, while Deanna attended a daycare/preschool part time during the days.  My dad also watched Deanna quite a bit and read to her a lot, which I believe is why she loves to read to this very day.

A year or two later, the tenants in the small shop beside ours left, and we decided to rent that space and tear down some walls to make our store even bigger.  We moved our shoe section into that space, as well as all our children’s wear.  We also added a little table and chairs and a basket full of toys so that when shoppers came in with their young children they were occupied while they shopped.  We made laminated discount cards for all the teachers, and were generous about giving the low paid professional dancers 25% off their pointe shoes.  Many of those dancers also worked at our store part-time, and we didn’t pay a lot per hour but we gave them 40% off anything they wanted in the store.  It was wonderful, because it gave our store a lot of credibility, and teachers trusted our employees to fit their students into new pointe shoes properly.  We also knew the dress codes at schools that used them so we’d have those items in stock, and knew what types of pointe shoes teachers liked to start beginners out in.

It was such a wonderful time, working with my parents was the highlight, as well as being able to have my children there in the store.  In 2003 we sold the store and it continued to run for a few years.  The last time we drove through Kentucky we passed by the store and it was empty.  Now the dancers from Lexington go to Louisville to get their new pointe shoes.  It was a lot of work, and I doubt we’d have done it if we’d known what was involved!  But I’m so happy that we did this as a family.

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What Makes SpongeBob so Great Anyway?

2010
02.09

spongebob Honestly, I think it’s one of the dumbest shows I’ve ever seen.  But my kids (all of them, regardless of age) just love the show!  They sit, mesmerized (the 5 year old Thomas), or laughing their heads off (Deanna and Debby, the teenagers).  Me, I can’t wait to turn it off or leave the room.  When the girls were young I wouldn’t let them watch it based on my own principles—or the belief that such stupidity should not be propagated into my childrens’ brains.  Now, after watching it a few times I think it’s basically harmless, but I still don’t get the appeal.  Anyone have any ideas to shed some light on this mystery?

Cold Hands, Anyone?

2010
02.11

We’ve had some really cold temperatures for our moderate climate in the Piedmont of North Carolina lately.  So much so that we even cleared half of our garage in order to get one of our cars parked inside.  That took some doing, too!  My husband took someone’s advice and closed off all the air vents on the ceilings upstairs because it was very warm up there and super cold downstairs.  It worked, but now it’s pretty chilly upstairs and I have been sleeping under a sheet, blanket, bedspread, and another blanket folded in half on top of me.  Plus I’ve been wearing sweat pants, socks, a long sleeved pullover sweater, AND a zip up sweater to bed!

Needless to say, I’m ready for some warmer temperatures.  I have found that in the spring and summer months I am generally a happier, more pain-free person. I’m downstairs now, fairly warm with the fireplace going and drinking some Persian tea, but my fingers are still cold! Makes typing a bit harder than usual and I keep making typos.

Are there any good remedies for cold hands, besides wearing gloves in the house?  Any ointments or lotions that produce the effects of heat that anyone knows of?  I suppose I could get some of those fingerless gloves that bike riders wear.

I hope wherever you are living that you don’t have tons of snow right now!  We were fortunate to miss the big storm that hit Washington, DC, Virginia, and parts of Maryland.  All we got was cold rain!  I’m not complaining!

Any Minute…

2010
02.12

The other day my son, Thomas, was making a mess with his toys—but what else is new?  Anyway, I told him to please pick them up because his father would be home any minute.

“What’s any minute mean?”

“Well, it means any time now.”

Less than five minutes later, I asked Thomas again to please pick up his toys.

“Any minute and I will,” was his quick response.

My Musical and Theatrical Family

2010
02.16
Tammy Stanwood and David Woods in Nutcracker, 1991

It’s not surprising, really, that I wanted to dance.  My mom said when I was in the womb that I would either be a football player or a dancer, and she was right!  I still don’t understand football, so it’s a good thing I liked to dance. :)

My mom and dad are both pianists.  My sister is a very accomplished pianist herself, and she and my mom both teach at a Music and Arts store in North Carolina.  Lori and my dad are also singers, and my dad was the drama director at my high school and directed many community theater shows as well.  My sister also played the flute, my older brother the drums (still plays, too!), and my little brother played the saxophone.  I played the piano (a bit) and the flute for a few years.  By the time I finished my freshman year of band I was so into my dancing that I didn’t have time to consider another year of marching band, so I let that one go.

Growing up we always had music in our home.  People playing piano, drums, flute, sax, and singing filled the house from downstairs in the living room, downstairs in the music room, upstairs in the bedroom, and even out on the front porch steps and upstairs balcony.  I love piano music and could listen to it all day, especially when someone is sitting at a piano playing it live.  My parents played a duet on one piano using two octaves and four hands, my aunt Virginia would come and she and my mom would open the doors between the music room and living room and play two piano duets.  It was awesome!

My next door neighbor, Jennifer, took ballet and tap.  I took some gymnastics first, but was really taken by what Jennifer had to show me when we were about 9 or 10 years old.  I had a pair on black patent leather shoes that I would pretend were my tap shoes and she’d give me lessons on the front porch.  I loved it, and couldn’t wait until my parents said I could start taking lessons, too.  When I was ten years old and classes started in the fall, they let me begin, and I was in love.

I started out at Debbie Wilkerson’s Dance Studio in Greenfield, Indiana.  Her studio is still in business to this day and she will always hold a very dear place in my heart.  I began with tap and ballet, and my favorite at first was tap.  Eventually we added jazz, and then Debbie recommended I start taking classes at the Jordan Academy of Dance in Indianapolis.  So on Saturdays, my dad would take me to ballet where I had so many new steps to learn and had to adjust to taking class once a week with girls who took everyday together.  It was awkward and I really disliked it, but somehow I knew that by going there my chances of improving and making my dreams come true were brighter.

My dad found out about a special program at Butler University while talking with some of the other parents in the waiting area one day.  They had a program for high school students who attended college early, usually going half a day to high school and finishing out the day with dance classes at Butler.  My dad knew this had to happen, and he made sure it did happen.  He spoke to the principal at my high school and starting the second semester of my sophomore year, I began going to school early for independent study sessions, attended my other classes, ate lunch at noon, and then drove to Butler University for ballet class beginning at 2:00 until 3:20 Monday through Friday.  There were a few other high school students in my position, but none were from my school, so I drove alone 35 minutes on the interstate each day.  Twice a week we had pointe class from 3:30-4:30, and during Nutcracker season I stayed on for rehearsals for Snow or Waltz of the Flowers (or soldiers, my first year!) until even later.

Then, I’d go back home and get ready for play practice, because I wanted to be involved in drama club where my dad spent much of his time and where my best friends from school were every night.  Sometimes I would also teach classes for Debbie’s studio, but I think those were on days when I didn’t have rehearsals at Butler or the high school, or were on Saturdays.  My dad helped me put up a makeshift barre in our attic and clear out some space so I had my own little studio up there.  It was hot in the summer, but it felt so wonderful to be up there doing barre, practicing my pirouettes or tap, and choreographing for the school talent show.  I had a record player with lots of records and it felt so authentic.

By the time I finished high school a semester early, in January of 1986, I had 21 college credits and began my full time studies in ballet at Indiana University in Bloomington the same month.  I went back to high school for graduation with my friends and classmates in June of 1986, even though I’d already been living on campus and had completed my first semester of college.  It really was like a dream, and I continued dancing at the University of Arizona from 1989-1992 where I got my MFA degree in dance in Tucson.  I got to do some awesome roles in Arizona, and was prepared then to begin dancing professionally.

I’m just thankful that my family is so artistic and theatrical; otherwise I’m not sure I would have been given the opportunities I was given to succeed in my area of passion.

Order Up a Rainbow, Please

2010
02.18

This morning on the way to taking Thomas to his preschool, he asked if I’d ever seen a real rainbow.  I told him that yes, indeed I had, and it was beautiful.  He said, “Does it have to rain first?”

I told him that sometimes rainbows do appear after it rains.

He asked me, “Could you please call up the weather man at the news station and tell him to say we’re going to have rain today?  I really want to see a rainbow!”

Cute how 5 year olds think things work, and the power they attribute to the weather man.

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